Frustration or Self-Loathing?

What is the difference? After today's rehearsal I began to think about this. At the beginning of the year, Matt talked about how he hates it when actors beat themselves up during rehearsals. I completely understand that, and I used to be one of the biggest offenders of this. Which is why I was taken aback by Matt's encouragement to get frustrated during a rehearsal. Because, in my mind, they are the exact same thing. Today when I would curse like a sailor a kick chairs, I did it because I was furious with myself for being so stupid. How is this any different than beating myself up? It didn't feel any different, and yet we were somewhat encouraged to do so. This confused me greatly. Maybe I missed the connection, but I don't really know what to think about this. This subject is important for me to understand because the rage that I unleash when I get frustrated has threatened to get me kicked out of a show on more than one occasion, and I would very much like to know when it is justified so that I do not destroy myself from within. Feel free to comment and help a brother out.

Today's Rehearsal

I loved today's rehearsal. I thought it was great and wanted to share with everyone what I found helpful about it. Please read the entire post before judging it.

People were miserable today. Whether you were hung over, sick or exhausted from being on crew the general aura of the room was one where everyone was crumby feeling. What I appreciated so much though was that everyone came ready to work no matter how shitty they felt. Now if you were not one of these people then don't assume I'm accusing of being a miserable person this was simply a general observation being the awful cold that everyone seems to be getting and the long weekend where there were more parties than usual.

What I'm trying to say is these characters often feel shitty. Think about the environment they live in: a dumpy house where the rotting garbage comes up through the window, they eat crap food, and drink alcohol all the time. In other words we were feeling today like these characters feel ALL THE TIME. Watching it inform people's performances today I thought was great. Zanny for instance was clearly feeling under the weather today because she has caught this awful cold. It was perfect for Irene who wants to be a cheery and loving person but reverts to just being a bitch to get what she wants. I felt the same way with the cold that I have too. I slowed me down physically which I think was great for me being that I'm supposed to be in my late 50's and made be work more psychologically on Jason since I knew I couldn't beat him physically today.

Let me know your thoughts, I learned a lot today and want to thank everyone for the hard work they put in.

Chris

Thoughts

Hey Guys

Sorry I haven't posted much recently I've been unpacking stuff in my own journal but I just figured I'd post on here some of the stuff I've been working through and dealing with as of late.

Day after rehearsal on 4-13-2011

Text work

Last week or beginning of this week Matt suggested to us that we throw our lines at each other as we talk in an effort to keep the pacing up and keep everyone active. This included making your line the most important line of the show, the line that's going to end the argument (though it never does). I decided I would go through my script and label who my line was being thrown at. In some cases a line would be thrown at only one character where in others a line may be broken into 3 parts and each thrown to a different character. I did this and was surprised at point at my lack of specificity in regards to who I was talking to. There were many lines where I had the freedom to throw the line at Santo or Irene and I often found that if I chose one of those characters as opposed to both the action I would then play became more specific and need driven. Something to consider.

Animal Work

Something I've been working on with Jack is his age and weight. When I say weight I mean his physical weight but I also mean the baggage he has picked up as he has gone through life that is weighing him down. I went to the silver back gorilla to find this physicality. This is because they are massive creatures that are grounded and weighted and often take there time unless they are being aggressive. Something I didn't want to do was make Jack stupid and I think this was a trap I initially fell into when I was first developing how I would approach him. Jack I think is a smart guy who also has a great amount of pride which at times inhibits his ability to make the smartest choice in a situation. Regardless I went to the gorilla who I think are smart and grounded creatures. There hands and weight that they put in the ground were two components about them that I was drawn too. Attached is a link where you can see a group of tourists filming a silverback family in Rwanda. Its interesting to note the famly dynamic and how at the end of the day they protect each other. Just like Jack at the end of the day he is trying to protect his family when he makes up the plan about him shooting the dog. He truely does has everyone else in mind. Yes it is on a tourist safari but the animals are still wild and even if they are more familiar with human contact I still found the content useful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co8NneR8ilc

The Air Force

Considering Jeanann's dream is to join the Air Force, I figured I should learn as much about it as possible.

So, naturally, I went to wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Air_Force


This video captures part of the combat class that air force trainees have to take:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZvWn9euqts&feature=related

basic training:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUkIOcHhu7U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug4S2fWDx-0



Women flying helicopters in the Navy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGcthQE4lR4&feature=related


a "how to" video on how women are supposed to wear their hair in the air force:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cs9BSHfZ0k8


women talking about life in the air force and answering common questions:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLKUOg-RH2Q&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_j1eYsZ_E_Q&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCqksULeWgw&feature=related


First female Thunderbird Pilot for the USAF:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlK4vRw-8Qc

Jeanann's Animal: Mandrill

I don't want Jeanann to represent a mandrill because she's actually a very kind, level headed girl, but I think she possesses a lot of the same physical traits as mandrills.

Mandrills are always fidgeting and picking at things and they can't sit entirely still for an extended period of time. Jeanann is like that too. She's always looking for something to do, especially because she's being forced to attend a long, (and what should be) boring family gathering (if it weren't for the Jason holding everyone at gun point part).

Like a mandrill, Jeanann usually doesn't "look, reach, then grab". She just grabs for things without looking most of the time. In terms of the Laban technique, she definitely slashes most of the time. This is very prevalent when Jeanann enters the stage for the first time. She slashes and attacks Jack like a mandrill. She is also very aggressive and uses eye contact to show that aggression. When she feels threatened, her eye contact is diminished (when Jason points the gun at her, she lowers her eyes) She is very animalistic and primitive in this sense.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBPLG-658Kk&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOcVyCoKFg4

Jeanann is also a lot like the young chimpanzees in this video (slashing):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERwZwaOUyjs&feature=fvwrel

ICONS: Jeanann

ICON #1

Jennifer Lawrence "Ree" in Winter's Bone:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0khRUfTfPM

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi3779172889/

I think Jeanann is more vulnerable and naive than Ree, but she tries to come off as stoic and independent as Ree. 

ICON #2

"Maeby" from Arrested Development

http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi3560570905/

There aren't a lot of great clips of her available online, but I think she represents  the rebellious adolescent girl that Jeanann is.

ICON #3

"Anybody's" from West Side Story

I can't find any clips of her online, but the way she slashes and bases most of her decisions on impulse is very much like Jeanann. She's another character that wants people to think she's a tough girl, but she's actually very vulnerable and naive. She has a lot of energy and doesn't really know what to do with it. 

Jason - character work

So the animal I've been using for Jason is a male deer, a stag. I think on an immediate level this makes a lot of sense for Jason because stags can have a lot of vertical energy, but they also tend to move about with their heads down and then they come to a halt and straighten up. So purely from a visual standpoint I like the idea that Jason sort of naturally moves with his head bent, defensively, submissively, and then he'll stop and sort of pull himself together and make eye-contact and connect with people from there.


Stags fighting:


Stag bellowing:

I haven't been drinking but I'm at a party and this is the first time I've ever seen George's previous mistake... thought id share:

More Pics

Here are some more pics to enjoy that I found

This one above refers to Jason wanting to fly as a young boy

This for some reason looks like the face of Christmas, but should be in reality a bigger dog.

Icon #2 for Bernice

This is beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm2qzKq-gXg

Meet Bernice's skinner self.

Icon #1 for Bernice

Berta from 2 and 1/2 men...

#2 Icon for Irene

My second icon is the mother, Annette Atkins played by Ellen Barkin in the movie "Drop Dead Grogeous". She has the playfulness and carelessness of Irene. Enjoy!

This clip is at 8:25:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k95NUlf6Tz0&feature=related

This clip is at 6:50:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR7aS91Z1t8&feature=related

This clip is at 2:32 (this is a great example of telling a story like Irene):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo8jW3VeK6c&feature=related