Ozone Park
Monday, April 18, 2011
Frustration or Self-Loathing?
What is the difference? After today's rehearsal I began to think about this. At the beginning of the year, Matt talked about how he hates it when actors beat themselves up during rehearsals. I completely understand that, and I used to be one of the biggest offenders of this. Which is why I was taken aback by Matt's encouragement to get frustrated during a rehearsal. Because, in my mind, they are the exact same thing. Today when I would curse like a sailor a kick chairs, I did it because I was furious with myself for being so stupid. How is this any different than beating myself up? It didn't feel any different, and yet we were somewhat encouraged to do so. This confused me greatly. Maybe I missed the connection, but I don't really know what to think about this. This subject is important for me to understand because the rage that I unleash when I get frustrated has threatened to get me kicked out of a show on more than one occasion, and I would very much like to know when it is justified so that I do not destroy myself from within. Feel free to comment and help a brother out.
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I got really frustrated today, but I think the key difference is where you direct that energy.
ReplyDeleteI hate to use the word 'energy' because it's always unclear what that means... but from a purely empirical standpoint I think you'll know what I mean when I say that frustration produces a kind of energy. Getting frustrated and angry is an energizing experience, and the trick for you, I think, is to direct that energy outward.
I hope you don't mind me speaking on a personal level, for a moment-and it's just my observation-in today's rehearsal I noticed that you were hardly making eye contact with anyone at all. No wonder you're getting mad at yourself, because you're looking inward, like Matt was saying.
If you're gonna get mad, get mad at me. Get mad at your family. You're an abusive father, and it seems like one reason you're abusive is because when Jack gets frustrated (even with himself) he looks for someone else to lash out at.
To my mind, it's not just about looking for the answers in other people, it's about moving all of your frustrations onto the other characters (though preferably not the actors, haha)
I don't know if that makes sense at all, but for me this exercise was helpful because when I got mad it caused me to throw myself in others people's way and get in other people's faces and confront people with my frustration. Channeling it through the circumstance of the scene and the characters.
That's just my take on it though.