Taylor's Post-Performance Blog

Congratulations everybody! We got through it!

Yesterday's performance went much better than I had expected, but, at the same time, I wish we had another chance to do it again and make it even better.

I have this chronic illness called "nerves" and it never hits me until opening night, the nanosecond I am about to go on. Every time I open a show/play/scene/what have you, I usually let my nerves control me. Since we only had one shot at doing "Pig" for an audience, I had to figure out how to overcome my nerves so I could focus on the performance. Every time I started to get nervous, I just told myself that I was committing self-sabotage and pushed it out of my mind. The moment before I walked, rather, galumphed, onto the playing space, my nerves hit and I had this ingenious idea: I just breathed all of that energy and circulated it through my body and down to my pelvis. I wonder where I got that idea from... coughACTINGATCARNEGIEMELLONcough.  I also put all of my focus on the people I was talking to in order to forget that the audience was there. This worked out very well. Although I did go up on a line, I think I kept my cool for the most part. Breathing was probably the thing that helped me most during the performance. There was a moment, after I had been fighting Peggy and Santos, that I fell on the floor and watched Dad pick up the gun. I realized that I was holding my breath so that I wouldn't make loud, distracting noises on stage (stupid middle school habits) and so I began to breathe very loudly  and appropriately and it helped me live in the scene more than I had before. It's not like Matt tells us the importance of breathing every day or anything.

Something I need to work on is dropping my breath and letting my voice sit lower in my body. I realized after the show that my voice was coming from the neck up and it wasn't connected to my lower body. This is something I really want to focus on next semester.

Another thing I thought went well was the pacing. Seldom did anyone drop a line and everyone was pretty much listening to each other and responding off of that. It can be difficult in a play like this to listen to other people because so much of it consists of overlapping lines and cutting people off, but, at least for me, I don't think we fell into that trap very often, which is good. I think we all put or trust in each other to create a good performance and we were able to work off of each other with a lot of ease.

A big thing I need to work on is getting out of my head. There were many moments where I was just listening to the others around me and living in the world, but there were many moments where I was thinking about what action I was going to play or I would think, "Oh, look, Barbara is sitting right there..." and so on. I think if this were a show where there was multiple runs I would be able to achieve that, because, the first performance with an audience is always the scariest and we all want to do well. This is something else I am going to work on next semester.

Overall, this was an incredible experience and I am so grateful to have been a part of it. I hope this functions as a nice send off to Matt because we all wanted to make you proud. Everyone was so wonderful to work with and I'm glad we have this experience to call our own and share it with each other. Good luck to everyone and see you in the fall!

Performance Reflection

During the show today I was worried I would be too fast so I consciously tried to slow down and take my time and for once I didn’t feel super eager to please the audience. I stayed focused on my activities. I really connected with what you said about finding actions that you really like because then you will remember them and it showed today, I would find when I was anchored in and when I strayed.  I found my amount of pacing and focus surprising. My focus was a bit bad because I kept getting in my head but I also kept stopping myself and forcing myself to engage again. It was not nearly as bad as usual and I hope that my moments of disengagement weren’t too noticeable. These moments tended to be when I occupied myself a little too much with my activities. I also missed a few lines today but I don’t even know that they were noticed, the cast really just plowed right through and I didn’t even realize that I’d missed them until it was over. I was a little surprised actually because I realized I was really on top of the ones that I usually miss.

The only moment I was really disappointed with myself in was in my charades moment. I read the “Memory Bird” book and did research on battered women but I don’t think that I incorporated it enough into the rest of my character enough so that moment of being a “broken” woman felt really un-truthful every time that we ran it.  I could understand the ideas but I couldn’t fully surrender to them as Peggy because she was so resilient and persistent. I don’t think I confronted how Peggy dealt with the issue enough. I think I made choices with her and fell too in love with her to be flexible about the effects of the abuse. There are many ways to cope and to react but I don’t think that I decidedly specifically enough, I should’ve found more moments where she was effected. I don’t think there was indication at all of the abuse aside from that moment, making it less important. If there had been questionable moments with me I could’ve “explained” them to the audience during that moment, making it more powerful. I think that it also didn’t work because my stakes weren’t high enough; I believe that this is the first time that she’s talked about it in a real, honest way so it should’ve been far more difficult to drag out from me. Another small mistake- the “rubber room” line.  I still forgot to emphasize the “Rubber” part.  Small, but I realized it in the moment, that’s how I knew I was in my head.

Another interesting thing was how I responded to the audience, having them there for the first time.  I kept finding myself accidentally look at them whilst trying to just look around the yard. It is an interesting issue, I didn’t want to look at them but when they would have a big reaction I would instinctively glance but I was able to stop after a bit, it was just something that I had to get used to.  The audience also added a new, interesting, obstacle though. I felt trapped in by them, which I’d never physically felt before. This is my super-objective- to escape and break the cycle and I was never able to actually feel it because of the space before but it was really nice to play with. For example, after George was carried out I really wanted to run out but Jason was right by the door and people were surrounding the rest of the yard and I really felt the small size of the space for the first time.

Overall today though, I felt okay about my performance.  I was listening far more than usual actually. I was so comfortable with all of my work that I was able to be really present for the most part. I was also able to stay active without distracting myself for once. Before when I would file my nails or things I would get so into it that I would actually forget to listen and not hear my line cues. Also today I felt a really truthful connection with Jeananne today. I’ve been exploring moments to relate to her and moments to rival with her and finally today I felt like I found the balance with her and Maureen. I felt good about our performance today the only thing I really really regret not doing is sleeping more, I feel as if I would have been a bit more focused too. 

This was the most fun show to work on and I always had an amazing time laughing with you guys and exploring this incredible show. Thank you so much for always having patience with me and for bringing so much heart and hard work to class, it really made me want to work harder and do the best that we could possibly do. 

Last Pig Blog

First of all congrats guys!!! This was truly just a wonderful experience and process working on this with all of you. I am very proud of all of us and what we put up at the end.

It's hard to really gather my thoughts clearly about our performance when people keep commenting about it around me and I am so confused on how it actually went because it seems like almost a whirlwind to me looking back on it. I thought we did a good job of letting the adrenaline from having an audience propel us and give us power and strength during the performance. Everyone onstage was so strong and ready. For me, it was an interesting experience to say the least. I had to remind myself before the show continuously to not worry about my sickness and focus on "living" in Irene and the world of "Pig". I had to keep telling myself in my head to stop stressing about what people will think because I find myself doing that all the time here at CMU. I am glad that through the performance I didn't second guess myself or let myself worry about what the audience was thinking. I committed to just being present. It definitely didn't feel like the best performance, but feelings are unreliable. I wish we could have performed it a few more times because I wasn't use to such a responsive audience present in the room. There is so much I keep going back and forth on like well I could've done this or I could not have done that. What makes me satisfied is that we affected our audience in a powerful way whether it be positive or negative. Everyone I talked to had such strong things to say about "PIG" even Midell who told me that she was very disappointed with me in "PIG" because I displayed unhealthy voice usage. Thinking back, yes I actually did at some points, but the performance is over so there is nothing to do about it. This experience and the aftermath was and is so interesting. I still can't believe people when they say "it was the best play project ever," because to me it was just an good, ok performance on my side. But then again, feelings are unreliable, but there were things I could've done better and things I was really happy with in the performance. Overall, I am so thankful for this experience. This cast was amazing and I loved watching everyone grow within the play. This play itself is a wonderful piece and I feel lucky I got to perform it (especially for the writer).

I am very proud of our crazy wonderful show. Thanks guys for everything!
-Z

After-show thoughts.

We did it. We performed Pig. And Bottom Line: We nailed it. I'm so proud of everybody and it was a pleasure to work with all of you on this terrific play.


That being said. I didn't realize we had nailed it until we walked out for the "Bows". In fact, I thought it was going terribly.


Here's why:
When I walked onto the stage at the top of the show while Matt was giving his opening speech, I had a mini freakout. The same mini freakout any actor might get when they open a show in front of a large, and my I say influential, audience. However, I pulled myself together a split second later and began the show.
A few lines in a realized something was wrong. Lines weren't getting laughs where they should and it just seemed like the energy was really low. I noticed that I wasn't filling the space nearly as much as I should have been, and that my lines sounded flat and flimsy like middle-schooler doing his first play. Fortunately, I just went through two semesters of acting training at Carnegie Mellon so I knew a few ways to get myself more grounded. I started bringing in things we've been learning since the start: Incorporating viewpoints and Laban work, expanding my ribs, and sinking even more into the physicality of a gorilla. (building on the stuff I was doing before the show started). As the scenes went on I found myself getting more into the Where and being way more present in the world of Pig. I'm just pissed that I actually had to slowly do it, instead of jumping right in from the start like I should have. I guess that happens when you let the fear of grades and social perception get in the way of your craft. ...Stupid me.

Anyway, by the time I reached the end of my time onstage I felt much more grounded, present and real in the life of Jack. But when I walked off stage I still had this sense of "That was awful." But, thus is life and I had to accept my fate. I continued the show doing the sound effects and listening to the show and noticing what the audinece reacted to and what they didn't. Once more I noticed that a lot of the jokes were not landing and getting the laughs that I expected. Even while backstage I the same look of "I sucked just now" on the faces of some of the other cast members, and it seemed as if none of us felt particularly good about hat we had done that day. MAybe I'm wrong, but it seemed we were all being pretty self-depricating during the whole thing.

But then the show ended and we walked onstage to accept any sort of applause, and boy were we greeted with applause. I looked out and saw looks of shock, joy, and disbelief on the faces of classmates, upperclassmen, and teachers alike. I was a bit taken aback to say the least.
They loved it. They absolutely loved it. The comments I got from people after the show were some of the best compliments I've ever gotten, not just as a performer, but as a person! People I had barely spoken two words to were hugging me a telling me that it was amazing. Frankly, I couldn't believe it. In those few moments I looked back on the show, the whole process and realized we were amazing. All of our hard work had paid off and we had just performed what some people had described as the best play project they had ever seen. I don't know about you guys, but afterwards I was ecstatic. Yes, I still knew we had made mistakes and that it wasn't perfect, but art never is.

As the day went on, I heard some comments from people that I found very interesting. They ranged from arguments about what people thought was really in the bag, (It's like the hatch on LOST!) Whether Jack was Gay or not, and whether or not the charades game was actually believable. But what I noticed from people's comments that affected me the most was that the reason a lot of the jokes weren't landing was because the audience couldn't hear us.
What was bothering me during the first few scenes was exactly what was happening. That's probably the thing I would focus on most if we ever got to perform this show again. Getting more grounded and filling the space enough with my body and my voice.

After stewing in my own thoughts, the thoughts of my fellow creative team (all of you), and the thoughts of the audience, I came to the conclusion that we put on a Damn good show. Even with our mistakes and our judgements of our own performances, the audiences adored it. And in my opinion, what the audience thinks about it is the most important thing. If they loved it, then we did exactly what we came to this school to learn. We did our job, and boy did we do our job well.

I love you guys, thanks for making this an incredibly fulfilling semester.

After PIG Vlog

Journal Entry: Performance

First thing is first: I would like to congratulate everyone involved! From some of the feedback I have been receiving, "Pig" was something that nobody has seen in a Play Project in some time, and something of which we all should be very proud. It has been an absolute pleasure working with all of you, and I look forward to doing it again in the upcoming years.

Strong:

What I really noticed about our performance was how well we were tethered together and listening to one another. The pacing, which we worked so arduously on, somehow came effortlessly with an audience in the room. Moments that we struggled with in rehearsal were brought to life when an audience kept us accountable for making sense of it. And I think those last two days of rehearsal were to thank for our exception showcase of listening ability. It seems to me that the moment we began to take this project seriously, like we were really performing it, the play's pace, and arch, and feel was really opened to us. One of the lessons I will take away from this piece is the importance of knowing what production you are in. We found our production in the run-throughs we had on Monday and Tuesday night. And that I believe informed every choice we made, making in affective and meaningful to an audience.

For me personally, I was pleased in the fact that I achieved the goal I set out for myself prior to the performance. I felt that I had separated my focus from "what action am I doing" to listening and responding to my fellow cast members and the audience. And it was that focus, and letting go of the work that I believe made the showing an enjoyable event.

Weak:

For me personally, and is true of other members of the cast, in the actual performance of the piece, I felt extremely, what Barbara would call, "heady." Thomas Douglas in his class today asked the question, "how can we fully give ourselves over to the work if we judge ourselves in the midst of doing it?" He said that, and my thoughts instantly went to my performance yesterday. I kept finding myself having moments where my thoughts would stray into "How is this going?" or "Did I really just say it like that?" and other useless similar questions, whose only real affect was to distract me from what I wanted from my fellow characters. I thought that there was an aspect of my performance of Wednesday that was trying to re-achieve the moments that occurred on Monday and Tuesday night. The performance was not entirely based on that, but moments of it were definitely present.

Interesting:

I know I am not the only one in the cast that "felt" this way about their performance. And yet, people have taken the performance as one of the best Play Projects that they had ever seen. That disconnect is astonishing to me. I don't know how that can be possible; that the audience loves a show that the actors don't feel was the strongest. What it reveals is exactly what Matt says about "feeling." That it is completely unreliable. But for me that raises the question of what you do rely on. I think that I have found the answer, and it can all be found in scoring a script. An actor must rely on simple Objectives, Obstacles, and Actions. If you make what you want, what is standing in your way, and what tactic you are going to use to get what you want absolutely clear to yourself, and then embody those thoughts physically, then all you have to do is follow through on that homework and you need not rely on anything else. It really reveals the importance of the rehearsal process, and maps out what you need to complete in a rehearsal process. Its all just so simple. And I think for me that was the biggest lesson that I needed to take away from Play Projects.

Congratulations again, my friends. A very, very good start.

K

Thomas's Post-Performance Post

In the aftermath of yesterday's performance, I sometimes find it difficult not to frame my thoughts in terms of feelings. But it shouldn't be surprising that I felt good about being it afterward. What is interesting is that during the performance itself, I'm not sure I can say I felt anything definitively.

Sure there were moments and flashes of 'feeling,' but feeling is unreliable and when I try and remember how I 'felt' during the performance, I come up with very few solid things to say. I remember thinking a lot. I remember moment-to-moment responses to things that happened. And I think I was concentrating hard on being aware of myself and the other performers, rather than on what the character was particularly feeling. And overall, I'd say that's a good thing. I was very focused on others, in particular. From my very first moment on stage where I run into Jeanann, I'm totally invested in her reaction. I'm looking at her face and seeing it for the first time in 4 years and seeing her expression change in reaction to me and reacting to that. By endowing these characters with meaning--Irene is the source of comfort and care, albeit often from a false place, Jack is the aggressor I so desperately want to love me, and Jeanann is the outlier, the unknown that I'm trying to win over--I can then react instinctively and actively to them based on what they say and do.

So that, I'd say, was a very good thing about my work yesterday. What was perhaps not so good is that I sometimes felt that my own work became a little unspecific when I wasn't reacting to particular things. For instance during the confrontation scene with the gun, I felt that my cursing was a little weak. I have trouble dealing with that line because I think it's a reaction to my own total confusion as to what my next move should be, but it always feels weak. There I go using the 'feel' word again, so maybe it doesn't actually come across as badly as it seems at the time. But I don't know. That line always feels awkward for me.

Overall, I didn't feel too in-my-head and I thought I was very present and active. It was a good run for me for that reason. I was on-edge in all the right ways and I'm proud of my work.

It's also been an interesting experience in terms of how I've used text-work. Ingrid always said that some people begin to do a lot of their text-work mentally--and I think that describes me pretty well. I'm not disputing the value of actual written text-work at all; on the contrary I think it's especially important for me to practice getting things down on paper because that definitely helps me solidify things. But once written down, I found the text-work really lived in my head and was much more... well, alive and mutable in positive ways there. When I looked over my written text-work at night I often thought it was incomplete and skeletal compared to my mental framework.

I don't know if this means that I need to just get in the habit of writing more things down or if I'm still not doing text-work "correctly," if there is a "correct" way. But I do think the text-work I did write down was helpful. But that was just a sort of starting scaffold for the rest of my choices. But maybe that's the way text-work is supposed to operate. You give yourself a very specific outline of your arc and of moment-to-moment details and then let it go and let it breathe in you during the rehearsals and performance, and make discoveries within it or outside of it there.

Anyway, good experience overall. Again, I'm very proud of myself and of everyone else. I think we really kicked ass up there.

- Thomas

Post-Performance

Thoughts on today's performance:

• The effect of the audience. The audience's presence today made a huge impact on our performance, for the better I think. I want to pinpoint the effect in a number of ways, the first being the effect on the rhythm and pacing. What's interesting about having an audience is that suddenly there are expectations - if you start with a certain pace, the audience expects to be brought along at that pace. When the pace picks up, like it does soon after Jeanann's entrance, these expectations actually helped us - the audience became a support for us. This works because every time we pause, or there is silence, this is always a pregnant pause because the audience is waiting for what comes next, and we have to give it to them. Then, when the audience laughs, this allows us, the characters, to pause naturally to listen to each other without an awkward silence - so the laughing of the audience was also a support to the natural listening pace of the play. We've all probably experienced this before, the way the audience laughter supports the rhythm of a comedic play like PIG, but I think in this case in particular the laughter strengthened the rhythm of the piece because the play is so complex, and there are so many lines coming from so many different places. But as Matt said, the audience wasn't laughing for nothing; we earned it. So congratulations everyone.

• The laughing of the audience also had a huge effect on my character in particular, George. What was interesting for me is that, since I don't have many lines, and almost all provide some outside comedic relief to the scene, my lines set me up as "the guy who we can rely on to say something funny." After I realized this (around my 4th line), I realized I had a real dilemma here: how to maintain a character and not a caricature, as Tammy said yesterday, but of course how to also live up to the expectations of my comedic lines and keep the audience laughing. How I did this was by 1st of all NOT thinking about the fact that I was facing a dilemma - I knew that that would just take me out of the scene and make me un-present. Instead, I realized that I could say my funny lines, get those laughs, but maintain the reality of the character by staying active even when I didn't have lines. So when I didn't have lines, I gave myself natural actions that would "fill out" my character, in a sense; give the audience something to see about George besides his funny lines. These actions were eating chips, teasing Bernice, drinking beer, and then, in the more serious moments when the gun comes out, working to control my breathing and all that. Although of course in Act II I didn't have to worry so much about being funny when I, George, was handling the much more serious issue of facing a claustrophobia-induced panic attack. So I was happy with the amount of laughs I got, but I also worked adamantly to tread the fine line of character and caricature and present someone real to the audience.

• Another effect the audience had on me, on a more personal level, is that my heart was simply RACING for most of the play! Of course it was the excitement of being onstage, performing, but where it tripped me up is when I started to pull out of the character and start thinking about how the play was going, and how my next line would fit within the pace of the play. I remember this happening with my line "I almost went to 'Nam. But I got a heart condition." I was thinking about the new Jack, and what the audience was thinking about the new Jack, and whether the entrance of the new Jack had changed the pace of the play, and then I thought about how my upcoming line would fit within the conversation Jack and Santos were having, and I thought about how I would approach it, and then all of a sudden, before I knew it: BAM I missed the line. I missed it by a small beat, but I felt it. So as something that I need to work on for the future, worrying about the audience and what they think or will think about the play as it is going on will take me out of the moment, make me inactive in the scene. Instead, if I keep listening actively and stay present, I don't need to worry about a thing.

• Finally, I felt really good about the physicality of George. Putting in the gray makeup yesterday made me suddenly realize how old George was, and with his heart condition, it made sense for me to weaken his physicality. So I hunched his shoulders, slowed his movements, widened his stance a bit, leading with my head and tops of my shoulders. It really helped me get into the age of the character, which helped me get into the mindset of the character - someone who had been living for a long time, a lot longer than I have.

Otherwise, I agree with Matt that today was a strong performance. With everyone active and participating, there was an energy this morning that I haven't felt during a performance in a while. It was a lot of fun working with you guys, and I will miss playing with you. I'm not taking Acting next year, but I'll still be coming to your performances, so watch out! Much love.

Jackson duBlanc

Jeanann's Pre-Show Blog

So it's about an hour before showtime. I didn't blog last night because I really didn't know what to say... I'm still not sure of what I want to say. Last night's rehearsal was probably my best rehearsal so far. I got all my lines down, filled them with actions, and realized that I had developed strong opinions about everything that was said. I also think I found that argumentative teenager place in my body. I also found moments where I was genuinely happy and enjoying myself, which was something that I didn't have before.

I just hope I can do that again.

For today's show I just need to focus on focusing on the other people around me and to relax. I don't want to sabotage myself and get myself caught up in getting nervous. At this point I have done my homework and I need to let it go. I hope I learn more about Jeanann this time around and I really hope I get her energy right. I still don't know how to do that consistantly, which is something I need to work on, but I hope I get it right this time.

Good luck all!

Thoughts before final performance

So I've been disgustingly sick for this past weekend and after last night was not feeling too hot about the performance. All my work I had put in went out the window last night during our dress rehearsal and that scared the (pardon me but) shit out of me. So I decided to blog this morning after I had a good rest to think things over.

This has been a wonderful and exciting process. This play has so many layers to it that I find every day. It is very exciting and inspiring. And now after re-doing my textwork numerous times, getting the physicality of my character, finding her inner gorilla, finding the love in her, I just have to take a step back and now just "fuck it and do it" and not over think and stress. Everyone is doing so well and now all we must focus on is having fun with it, listen to each other, and commit to beyond the fullest.

So here I am in purnell and 7:40 am and I have finally decided to put last night behind me and not worry and just live in Irene today. I can't strive for perfection, but for total commitment in the world of Irene and give it all I got.

-Zanny

Dress Rehearsal

              During today's run through I came in feeling very warmed up and ready (which worried me) but I felt like I was able to listen and  fully give my self to some new moments tonight and still explore. I do have trouble still keeping everything going though. I notice that if I'm playing my action and listening then the next thing I know most of my body is gone, or vice versa. This is what is getting me the most frustrated because I know that I can do all of these things but putting them together is still too much for me to maintain.
             I was also concerned that my character seemed too "caricaturey." I think that it is difficult to find the balance between self-involved and unrealistic, because some runs I feel like I'm being too kind and loving (not dysfunctional enough) and others I feel as if I couldn't until people start getting shot. I think that feeling this way is a result of not understanding that self-involvement enough. Yes we are all selfish but I don't think that any of us are consistently that rude about it. The only time I understand it is when I consider it the way a child does, when I was little I recall genuinely not noticing or understanding that other people had different opinions, but there is also danger with connection because it could add to my character seeming so young.  This is something I am still struggling to suppress, the youth. I think my yappy dog as an animal though makes her more youthful. Age is not something I think that I fully understand how to address though. I lowered my center but I don't know how to really age her without losing much of my character work. I will continue to explore her though.
        I looked over some things about abuse victims and realized that I really wasn't finding moments to expose the broken Peggy, I will look for them tomorrow. This is another reason that she is so irritable and does not want to participate. She avoids issues. I have also been thinking about her middle child syndrome and how that plays into her peacekeeping.

           I felt okay about my work today but I would like to feel a bit more present and urgent tomorrow. I am excited to continue to explore this play. It's always a lot of fun to work on it. I am going in with the intention of really getting people to empathize with Tammy's pseudo-family.

Thanks for everything guys :]. We entered this thing as pollywogs and we are leaving as shellbacks :p

Rehearsal 04/26

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Butterflies and the nasty taste of insecurity

It is 12:28 and I can't sleep. Maybe its the anxiety, maybe its the fact I got a plastic bag on my head (thanks Nicky) but whatever it is, I think this is a good time to reflect on the show so far. An oh... lucky me... it fulfills an acting assignment.

For those of you reading this off my blog (all 2 of you, hi mom and dad) I will recap. I am playing the part of Maureen in the play Pig by Tammy Ryan. Its a good part, older than me by about 10 years but I feel its a good stretch. She is aggressive and responds with a fist rather than a whimper, a "what are you looking at?" rather than a "take anything you want just please stop staring at me". These traits are not like me, which is why this is a good role for me to branch out with. The only problem is the lingering self consciousness and "head work" that has prevailed through all my acting work to date.

Its not that I want to be in my head, I am. Its like a state of being, something that is forever present and never gets toned down. Physical work can ground me, vocal work can stabilize me, but still its like a dog scratching at your bedroom door at night. You can try to go to sleep, but its there even if you ignore it. Weird example...

Anyways, through out this process I've been trying hard to not do this. I've worked with Maureen, tried to get to know her and her movements. What does she sound like? How does she move? Is she like Creyon? I also tried hard to give each relationship an obsticle. I want my mom to listen to me, but she never does. I don't want to sit too close to my aunt because she always offers me a job at 50 50 and says it will "change my life". Still I am a dear in the headlights when I'm on stage. And its more annoying than anything.

Tasks help though, a lot of times I find things to do (smoke, drink, hit my sister) those things tend to keep me involved and present. Also the pitch (lowered) helps me to find confidence in myself, as does a strong stance and weighted shoulders. I also try little things, like making my hands smell of smoke.

One big thing that has really changed my perspective though, is something that Jed said today. He told us that one of the big problems he finds with student actors is that they read a play for their character and lose site of the story. I kept this in mind today as we ran the show and I realized how much of it was true. I had mapped out the play by my events, and not really the big ones of the play. Who cares if Jason shot Christmas, when is my peeing scene coming?!?? I realized how ridiculous and detrimental this was. I was focusing so much on myself it was like there was a huge spot light glued to me at all times. I didn't even know I thought this was until I examined myself. After that, I toned down some of that self consciousness. I am Maureen, I am here to support Jason who just wants to cook his pig. It really helped.

Then I missed a line, and I was back to square one.

But beyond that I think that it is something I will really keep in mind for tomorrow. Whose story is it? And where do I fit in?

Oh look its 12:51 and I should go to bed.

Night Before

So here we go...

Crazy to think that we've been here 8 months and the final big project of our freshmen year is upon us. Tonights rehearsal was for me a great prep for tomorrow. I think I'm in a place where I now have a good grasp on the show and the journey and the needs and the fight that Jack goes through. Now tomorrow I need to come and bring everything I have to that performance. A realization I had tonight during the rehearsal is tomorrow when I'm doing the show who gives a fuck what everyone thinks. If I go into tomorrow and try to impress people I'm gonna be a mess. Instead my motivation for tomorrow is to go in and fight for everything that Jack needs because I owe that to you guys as a class for what you all have taught me this year and this semester. Then in the moment I really just need to listen and react all the while trying to regain control of my crazy household.

I noticed tonight that the more I listened the better I did. There were moments where I would suddenly start to think "oh shit what's my next line" and then I would literally say to myself "just listen and when it comes time for you to speak you will know." Ironically enough this was the first night that I haven't dropped any lines. I think that's because I was listening and not trying to micromanage the show from inside of my head.

Tomorrow I hope to walk out and feel that I gave everything I had and could bring to the process and that no matter what the opinion of our product is in the end we can all walk away proud and feel that we've learned something these last 7 weeks.

Best of luck and break a leg tomorrow everyone.

Chris

Pre-Show BLOGG

So, tonight's rehearsal was not the best for me. I felt like Monday's rehearsal was a lot stronger. Stronger in the sense that I was on top of the dialogue and I really focused on keeping Bernice more grounded physically and vocally. So in that sense, I was a bit disappointed in myself. I don't know what happened tonight but I became a "crack addict" as Matt said. Pre-show jitters? The fact that the writer was in the room? Unsure. But I think the most important thing for me is going to be keeping Bernice grounded. Although I play her as a bit eccentric, I think I tend to just throw my lines around instead of bringing a clear intention behind them. I also think this corresponds with the note I've been getting from Matt, that I am not finishing the ends of my lines, that I drop off.

My goal tonight before the show is going to be to review lines and textwork and notes Matt has given me throughout this process. I think I am going to rework a couple things for myself. Nothing too big to change what we have done. But I want to play less of a crazy. That seems to be something easy for me to do.

In terms of costuming, I am not going to take a shower in the morning so I feel gross and nasty for the performance. I plan on teasing my hair more in the morning and also putting on some awesome late 80's/90's eye make up.

Let's do this PIG.

Thomas's Pre-Show Entry

Tonight was good for me. I felt very active and connected while on stage and didn't tense up too much during the gun-scene (which has been one of my goals: to loosen up and not press so much, stay free vocally for that), while still raising the stakes.

Today I also incorporated more elements of Kyle's portrayal of Jason. Watching Kyle work the part is great, and I find a lot of his manic energy to be really compelling, so I've been looking for places to integrate that. I think it definitely came out today in the gun scene in particular.

Of course, for other moments, I need to find a different kind of energy for my portrayal of Jason. For my Jason, connections to the family are everything, and so I'm constantly looking from family member to family member, trying to assess what my status is in their eyes at any given moment. It's almost like I score points by getting family members to trust me or side with me and I'm trying to rack up as many points as possible before the end-game. Of course, this all goes to shit with Santos's appearance, and rightly so, because it makes me have to violently change my tactics.

All this was definitely working for me tonight, and I need to bring that to bear tomorrow was well. If I keep going that direction tomorrow, keep connected, vocally present, and aware of my surroundings, I can stay active, responsive, and communicative. My goals for tomorrow are to support everyone as best I can by being as present as I possibly can--resisting the temptation to retreat inwards, and keep the energy and stakes up at all times. After all, this is Jason's last hurrah, in more ways than one.

I should add that I'm stoked. So pumped for tomorrow. Let's rock it, guys.

Post-Dress/Pre-Performance

Some thoughts on our run-through tonight:

The note that Matt gave us that really hit home for me was that of CHILLING OUT. Well, he didn't say that specifically, but I know for the line "But you're not working!", I really just need to chill out a bit. I had been playing the line like Bernice and I were used to arguing and I was tired of hearing her bitch about 50/50, but I understood what Matt said about the stakes being too high for the line. I think in general, although it is so much fun to play high stakes the whole way through, we need to give ourselves somewhere to go. So I've been equating putting an action behind the line to playing high stakes, and I realized tonight that that's just not the truth. I can play the action and really hit Bernice with the line "But you're not working!" without looking so upset, which looks unnatural because it's not coming from anywhere. This doesn't mean I should throw the line away, but I think I need to listen more to the rhythm of the scene and casual-ness of the dialogue at that part of the scene and not raise the stakes too fast.

Another note that I need to bring into the performance tomorrow has to do with the improv dialogue. First, it needs to be specific - with improv dialogue it's really easy to indicate what you're reaction is, rather than actually play it. And then this indicating tends to be way over the top, too much of a reaction, and steal focus as it did tonight. And that's the second part of the note: I can't steal focus with my improv dialogue. There are a few hefty chunks of the script where I don't have any lines, so it's tempting for me to start a mini-conversation with Bernice, or Peggy, or Irene, but at the same time I also need to give focus to the more important things going on (generally between Jack and Jason). Plus, my reactions to what is happening in other parts of the scene are important, more important than whatever I make up that is going on between me and the other people sitting at the picnic table. So tomorrow I'm going to limit myself with the improv dialogue, give focus to the other parts of the scene, and perhaps use more physical rather than verbal communication when I need to naturally interact with the other people at the table. This is especially important during the charades part, and when the gun comes out and we're singing - physically I can say a lot without actually speaking up and taking away focus from other parts of the scene.

Another note I need to take for tomorrow is that of making sure my props are all in the right place! Not checking to make sure the beer was behind the set made me late for my entrance (in interruption of Irene's story), and then when I get the lighter fluid, I need to make sure there's a lighter around for me to light the fire with. Today it unfortunately caused me to be unfocused in many moments, and although I tried not to beat myself up about it, there is that sense that Matt so perfectly described today: "You broke the play." What's funny is that, like so many things, the danger is not in me breaking the play; I don't think any of us, let alone George, could really do that without like kicking an audience member in the face. What's dangerous is me THINKING I broke the play and pulling myself out of it. So tomorrow, I will double-check the props before the show starts to make sure everything is where I will need it, and I recommend you guys join me in doing so.

Finally, tonight was a good run-through because, I think, we had a strong warm-up and kept the energy from the warm-up going into the scene. I know that "energy" is one of those things that is difficult to talk about because you don't see it, or its impact, unless you are looking for it, but I saw its impact tonight, and I think we can bring a strong energy to the performance tomorrow if we keep our focus. Having the audience in front of us will help us a lot as well. A big part of keeping focus is, as Matt said, LISTENING, and that is something I will strive to keep in the front of my brain tomorrow as we work. Listening, keeping a rhythm and pace that looks natural, playing the action - all of these things will appear tomorrow because of all the work we've already put in if we keep our focus.

Have a good sleep guys, see you tomorrow!

Tonight's rehearsal/Tomorrow's Prep

Tonight's rehearsal, in my humble opinion, was the best we had ever done the show. That doesn't mean I don't think it can improve, because we still had some line-misses, pace issues, etc. But I do believe that today I felt the most present, more active, and more grounded than I have been in past rehearsals. It felt good.

However, that being said, I, nor the cast as a whole should get comfortable. As Matt said, that is a very bad place to be as an actor. Also, in my experience, when the last dress rehearsal is really good, people tend to relax and thus the first performance ends up lacking in response. We can't let that happen.
Therefore, tonight I'm going to re-read the play, read through all of my text and the notes that Matt has given throughout the process. I'll run through them in my head, think about how I'll put them to use, and then tomorrow, I will let the homework go and just do it.

We've worked our asses off and now it's time to show it.
Break a leg everybody, and may the Force be with you.

Journal Entry: Before Performance

I think that I've really seen the purpose of Play Projects exemplified in the last two days of rehearsals, on several different levels.

To start, one thing I notice in myself personally is just how my whole approach to a rehearsing a play is completely different after a year of CMU training. Before it was what you would expect from a high school actor; learn the lines, learn the blocking, and project your voice. That was all you needed. But now, I can see aspects of things that work on in every single class that are coming into play. Movement qualities, playing actions, speaking with distinction (a variation of it), using my back ribs, spacial relationships, floor connection; I can connect something from every class. Even "triggers and heaps' from foundations (never thought I'd ever use that). This is why I came to this school, to find a means to becoming a more specific actor. And I'm not even sure that I knew that's what I was looking for upon coming here. But now that I have some baby steps into this newfound technique, the next step is to implement it into the work; the purpose of play projects.

The other thing that keeps coming to my mind is how thankful I am for the play that we are doing as opposed to the other two. Our play is the only real ensemble show. The others are more a collection of scenes, which has lessons to learn, but completely different from what our play offers. There was a moment in a rehearsal I want to say last week, where this difference between our play and the rest of the plays was brought up. We all that in order for our play to make any more successful ground, we were going to have to switch our focus from only what we were doing, to what we were doing for the rest of the group and what the group is doing for us. In other words, how we needed to work together, and begin trusting and relying on each other to support the play. I know for me that was something very important to accept. And after that rehearsal where we decided to start listening, our little play made a move for the better.

And now we're there. And the only thing we can do is what is drilled into our heads at this school;

"Let go of the work"

"Trust your homework"

"Abandon"

It's absolutely true. We have done the text work. We've learned the lines. We've learned our blocking. Now, what is going to get us through tomorrow morning is listening to each other, and trusting in everything that we've done in anticipation. And that is the technique we have been working towards, the ability to be specific AND remain alive and active in the moment. If I had to make one goal for tomorrow, it would be to be an example of that idea. Abandoning myself at the door remaining active with my cast in order to find the truth in the story.

I'm satisfied with the work that I've done so far. And I know that I should be careful of being comfortable, but I don't think that is the point I am at. I think that it is simply confidence that I have done the work. And now I'm going to get a good night's sleep so that I can give everything that I have tomorrow.

Good Night,

K

Trip to Goodwill - McKnight Road

I went to the Goodwill on McKnight Road last Saturday to buy George's costume, and Matt was right - it is a very depressing place. I'm not sure what's more depressing, the run-down businesses or the big-chain stores that are taking their place right next door. It struck me while I was there that a lot, if not most, of the people that live around there, and probably most of the people that live in Ozone Park, have been there their entire lives. It is what they know, and it is likely that they don't know of anything else. Their entire lives are spent in this one type of existence. Their struggle to make a living defines their life.

So how can we bring this into Pig? I think we can keep it as an underlying thought in our minds, a fact of our given circumstances - that these are the circumstances in which we live. The question is, how do we react to it? For George at least, it is clear to me that he tries to make the most of it. He loves his "traditions," because he likes feeling safe - with his heart condition, he can't take risks. This life, for him, is enjoyable because it isn't a risky life; it's secure as long as he keeps his job. The only thing he has to worry about is his wife, because he has no children. But George is accustomed to his circumstances and doesn't want to get out in ways that Jack's kids might.

Traveling to McKnight Rd was also useful in the same way that traveling to Campayno's house was, and to some extent seeing pictures of Astoria. As a warm-up exercise, I find it useful to imagine what kind of a neighborhood we're in - is it dangerous or safe? Are there streetlights? How far does George live from Jack? Do they hang out all the time? (No...) This gives me a sense of where I am that can be easy to forget in a familiar space like Studio A. I think we all remember how our "where" can change our mentality and actions from Michael Chekhov's movement exercise, Watering Hole, etc. So although I'm not going to play "despair," remembering the kind of despair that surrounded McKnight Rd will help me ground George in his given circumstances.

Jason says goodbye

In my previous post, I talked a lot about Jason looking for support from his family against his father.

But it has occurred to me recently that additionally, and perhaps more importantly, Jason is bidding a final goodbye to his family. This night is the last night he has with them. It is the first time he has seen them in 4 years but also the last time he will ever see them. And it is the way they will remember him forever.

He knows in the back of his mind that he may end up killing himself. Even though he doesn't quite make the decision (in my opinion) till Jack disregards his achievement, he knows it's a significant possibility. He may be denying it up to that point but some part of him always knows.

The reason this is important is because it significantly raises the stakes for him in every moment. It's not just his reputation that's on the line, but his eternal remembrance. If ever there was a time to redeem himself, to show that he's more than just a "murdering rat," that time is tonight and only tonight.

Take the presents for example. I think those really are tied to his deep-rooted desire (and what I think is super-objective is) to be seen as an angel by his family. A martyr, if you will. He can no longer deny the crime he has committed, but if he compensates by giving his family gifts, exposing their dark secrets to each other, and granting Jeanann the opportunity to escape the vicious cycle before killing himself, then maybe he can be redeemed.

Of course, things continue to spiral out of control, and each time his family's perspective on him is damaged, it becomes another obstacle to his super-objective. Ironically, it's possible that the family is actually most positively inclined to him at the very start, when he first walks in the door, but in his attempt to earn respect with the shellback scroll and the pig-bag he actually ends up hurting his case. Especially when Santos walks in and says it's not a pig at all. It all turns into one more giant obstacle to his super-objective, and something he fights against for the rest of the show.

But that strikes me as a particularly operative element of his inner life: Jason is saying goodbye to his family. He wants to leave them with a good impression. He loves them desperately and he can't bear the thought of dying as another no-good violent monster to them. So he goes back to his family and tries to prove his worth before he dies.

Jesus that's sad.

Rehearsal 4/22/10: FRUSTRATION

Yesterday's rehearsal was interesting for me because it's the first time (since we've started working on Pig) that I've gotten really frustrated with myself. So far, I've been pretty proud of how patient and focused I've been,  but I finally reached that part of the process where I want to rip my hair out.

First off, I started out the run poorly by going up on a lot of my lines, which really ticked me off. I was able to let it go after it happened, but the rest of the run wasn't much better. I'm trying to make Jeanann unique and specific, but I don't think I am executing her that way. I don't think I vocalized or physicalized her properly: In order to develop her physicality, I gave her my mandrill walk and she always slumps over when she sit; however, I feel like I do that half the time and the other half the time I fall into "Taylor" physicality. I don't think either of these work for Jeanann and I'm not really sure what I can do to transform my body in the way I want to. I think I'm going to add a lot of "Ree's" physicality from Winter's Bone at the points where she isn't acting like a Mandrill. I also need to give her more small habits (like the way she scratches herself, or if she's a nail biter, ect). I'm not really sure how to vocalize Jeanann either; her personality suggests that she speaks at a low part of her register, but the fact that she is young implies that her voice should be a bit higher. I think what I will try to do is keep her voice low for the majority of the play and raise it when she gets more emotional. I also need to add in vocal gestures (the way she laughs, whether she "umm's" or "uhhh's" ect)

Another thing that is frustrating is that I don't think I've developed her arch in the way I should have. This going to require a lot of last minute text work this weekend. I'm not really sure how I should approach fixing this, but I'm really unhappy with the way she's been developing.

Childbirth

This post really only applies to Zanny. I found a few videos of women in labor.


a woman screaming during birth: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwOFbEzz3ko


A video of a woman giving birth; WARNING: VISUALS WILL DISTURB MANY VIEWERS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96BsGIw12yo&feature=related


this one is merely for laughs. this woman got high off the pain killers the doctors gave her: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0Jp93Cuqfw&feature=related
-there is a part in this video where the woman puts lipstick on. I think this is something Irene would totally do...

Hair-Did

I was trying to figure out what the heck I am going to do with Bernice's hair. My lovely friend Madeline found these new hairstyles for me. Watch out.

Tours in Vietnam

Santos:

In the early part of the Vietnam War, 1965 to 1969, the normal tour of duty was 12 months for most branches of the military, except the 13 month tour for Marines. It was not unusual for career soldiers, or those who were in the military long enough, to serve 2 or more tours of duty in Vietnam. Also, in some cases, soldiers were allowed to extend their tour from 12 months up to 14 months. By extending their tour, any time that would have been remaining for them to serve as stateside duty, would be waived and they would be discharged from the military.

Santos-Marines and Navy

This shows the relationship these two branches had with each other. So far the Jacks and Santos theirs a level of respect that should be present, even if Santos is clearly smarter than Jack's dumbass.

United States Navy

Amphibious Assault Vehicles approach the well deck of USS Bonhomme Richard

The Marine Corps' counterpart under the Department of the Navy is the United States Navy. As a result, the Navy and Marine Corps have a close relationship, more so than with other branches of the military. Whitepapers and promotional literature have commonly used the phrase "Navy-Marine Corps Team",[75][76] or refer to "the Naval Service". Both the Chief of Naval Operations (CNO) and Commandant of the Marine Corps report directly to the Secretary of the Navy.

Cooperation between the two services begins with the training and instruction of Marines. The Corps receives a significant portion of its officers from the United States Naval Academy and Naval Reserve Officer Training Corps (NROTC). NROTC staff includes Marine instructors, while Marine drill instructors contribute to training of officers in the Navy's Officer Candidate School. Marine aviators are trained in the Naval Aviation training pipeline and are winged as Naval Aviators.

Marine and sailor train with rifles in Djibouti

Training alongside each other is viewed as critical, as the Navy provides transport, logistical, and combat support to put Marine units into the fight, for example, the Maritime Prepositioning ships and naval gunfire support. Most Marine aviation assets ultimately derive from the Navy, with regard to acquisition, funding, and testing, and Navy aircraft carriers typically deploy with a Marine squadron alongside Navy squadrons. Marines do not recruit or train noncombatants such as chaplains or medical/dental personnel; naval personnel fill these roles. Some of these sailors, particularly Hospital Corpsmen and Religious Programs Specialists, generally wear Marine uniforms emblazoned with Navy insignia. Conversely, the Marine Corps is responsible for conducting land operations to support naval campaigns, including the seizure of naval and air bases. Both services operate a network security team in conjunction.

Marines and Sailors share many naval traditions, especially terminology and customs. Marine Corps Medal of Honor recipients wear the Navy variant of this and other awards;[24] and with few exceptions, the awards and badges of the Navy and Marine Corps are identical. Much of testing for new Marine Corps aircraft is done at NAS Patuxent River. The Navy's Blue Angels flight demonstration team is staffed by both Navy and Marine officers and enlisted men, and includes a Marine C-130 Hercules aircraft.[24]

In 2007, the Marine Corps joined with the Navy and Coast Guard to adopt a new maritime strategy called A Cooperative Strategy for 21st Century Seapower that raises the notion of prevention of war to the same philosophical level as the conduct of war.[77] This new strategy charts a course for the Navy, Coast Guard and Marine Corps to work collectively with each other and international partners to prevent regional crises, man-made or natural, from occurring or reacting quickly should one occur to avoid negative impacts to the United States.

Jason looking for allies

Reep pointed out to me the other day that I have a bad habit of making eye-contact with him a lot in the scene leading up to his line, "you haven't looked me in the eye since you got here." It's true; I've noticed it myself.

The problem is that I have put so much emphasis on Jack in my text-work, that it seems as if Jason is constantly going to be looking for how Jack is responding. To constantly be pursuing objectives relating to Jack seems to cause me to look at him a lot.

And maybe a lot of his objectives do have to do with Jack, but Jason has also come home to win his family over. That's fairly clear from the presents he hands out, and from how freaked out he gets when Santos takes away his power by questioning the pig, essentially causing all the family to abandon him.

Maybe I've put too much emphasis on Jack. Maybe Jack is often more of an obstacle to Jason than the target of his objectives. His objective for scene 2 may be to win his family's respect as a whole, and the fact that Jack is the most resistant to that makes him both the obstacle and the last piece of the objective to be fulfilled (though ultimately of course, the objective is defeated).

I worry that I've been ignoring my family members when Jason, particularly my Jason (as opposed to Kyle's Jason) values the connections to his family above all else. When Jack starts to fuck with me, I should be constantly looking around for support from the rest of my family, like, "You believe me, right? You guys are on my side? I'm the victim here."

This is sort of just a jumble of thoughts right now, but I worry that in the past when I've looked away from Jack I've looked at the ground. I should be looking for allies in my other family members instead.

Feel free to comment with any thoughts on this.

Victories and Defeats

I wanted to share a bit of what I learned last semester with Barbara, because it is really helping me through the Pig process (and those of you with me then, Kyle, Zanny, Taylor, Chris, etc., will remember how much she emphasized this). She was all about "entanglement," as Matt has said, and specifically what that meant was giving and receiving, attacking and defending. That was why we did all those exercises with the imaginary tug-of-war, tossing the balls of energy back and forth to each other, the back-slapping game, and all the other paired-off games in which competition and listening were key. Then we developed these ideas into scenes, where we had to really SHOW how we were attacking the other person with our line, or our action, and we really had to SHOW how we were affected by the other person's attacks.

How this relates to Pig is that this show is so much fun, and funny, because it's a constant battle, a very clear entanglement between all the characters. This isn't some subtle David Lindsay-Abaire play where the attacks might be buried deep within the script - they're right out in the open, with every character. So Tammy Ryan here has done us a huge favor, and made our jobs quite a bit easier.

What we have to do now, I think, is not work on our attacks - I think we've all gotten quite good at really stabbing each other with these lines, actions, and tactics. What we need to do now, and what I've been working on, is finding where we are defeated - where we've really taken one to heart, or where at the least we don't get the response we expected. I'm talking about listening, but not listening like "I heard what you said," but active listening, listening + action: expressing your defeat so that the attacks actually become stronger and more powerful. If everyone attacks but no one is ever defeated, where's the struggle? It's like we can't ever hurt each other, and that doesn't make for powerful drama I think.

So for example, in my parrot exchange with Jack (and this is a very tame example compared to the exchanges of most of the other characters), I am working on really letting my defeat show after each line. Jack: "I never wrote," (unexpected change!), George: "You never wrote??", Jack: "He never wrote neither" (defeat - another unexpected change!), George: "He never wrote neither??" You get the idea. So my point is, something that may help is to look at your lines and see where you don't get what you want, and find a way to express that defeat to the audience. And then find your next attack and ATTACK!

Rehearsal Today and Such

It was very interesting to see how contrasting this rehearsal felt with the run we did in Michael's yard last week. I found that being in the actual environment it is supposed to be set in helped me a great deal. We tend to forget the factors of weather, ground beneath our feet, the air, bugs, etc when we are working in a studio and being outside in a real yard helped me really grasp the play and play with my character and others around me. In that rehearsal, there were so many physical obstacles, which excited me to push through and really create physical obstacles for myself once we were back in studio A. I need to really use the sun in the play like I sort of did in this run, but even more so. Also, having actual food to play with and mountain dew(fake beer) to drink made we realize more of how these people constantly feel. They are continuously eating unhealthy junk food and drinking beer. It's disgusting. I found myself playing with the chips in interesting ways and finding a certain way that Irene eats and drinks her beer which was exciting.

What I felt today was so different, but still positive. I started getting frustrated very quickly with myself during the speed through. I started forgetting lines, paraphrasing like no tomorrow, and jumping on my line with a "hey" in front of it. It made me realize that even though my body was active throughout it, my mind freaked out. This proved to me that even though I know my lines when we are doing regular runs, it doesn't necessarily mean I am as active as I can and should be during it. Even though I am not moving continuously in the play, I should be internally. This is why this speed through is one I need to keep doing. When I got frustrated I just got more active moving around. When I physicalized actions I was playing with my words, the line came out more powerful and I wasn't struggling to find the words in my head. Also today, I realized how much the fat suit helps me with my character. Running around in the fat suit in my costume for the entirety of acting class was exhausting as well as rewarding. I was drenched in sweat by the end of it. I should run around in my costume every time before we do a run because in real life, if it is hot out, Irene would be laying there with her cigarette at the top of show sweating. I mean she should be sweating through the entire show especially when she is physically exhausted after her charade. Also, running around in my costume and fat suit helped me find her run and movement more and more.

I'm gearing up for another speed through tonight. I am looking forward to getting frustrated again.
-Zanny

Santos and his Family Background

History of Cuban Immigration to the United States

The views expressed on this page are those of individual authors and may not reflect the views of the U.S. government. The information contained herein should be used for information purposes only.

Throughout history, Cubans have come to the United States in search of a better life. Towards the end of the 19th century Cubans, especially musicians, began to settle in places such as New Orleans, Louisiana. Cubans played an influential role in the jazz music that New Orleans is now known for. This contributed to the start of American-Cuban connections throughout the United States. Cubans began to reside throughout various parts of the U.S., and Florida became a popular settling destination. Cuban immigrantscame in waves and began to establish their own communities. Cuban enclaves were established in certain neighborhoods, such as "Little Havana,” in Miami, Florida. Once a railroad was built in Florida, which provided easy travel within the state, many Cubans settled in Key West. Population growth among Cuban immigrants in the United States was fueled by the birth of children and additional migration of Cubans.

According to the 1910 Census, the number of Cubans in the U.S. was officially over 15,000. However, as with all Census figures, the actual number is believed to be larger since not everyone is accounted for. In 1959, the number of Cubans in the United States was estimated to be 124,000. With the Cuban revolution and the dictatorship of Fidel Castro, many Cubans who were unhappy with politics at home fled to the United States. Wealthy Cubans accounted for a large portion of United States immigrants, as they fled to protect their assets which were now threatened under a socialist regime. Others followed their families to their U.S. so that they would not be separated. Shortly after Fidel Castro came into power and during the early years of the revolutionary period, about 215,000 Cubans immigrated to the U.S.

Before 1985, there was no limit on how many Cubans could enter the U.S. if they followed normal immigration procedures. This was also true for other groups of immigrants as well. Unlike immigrants from other countries, Cubans were granted a special status which made it easier to gain residency. Other immigrants had to prove that they were fleeing for political reasons so that they could be granted the status of a refugee. On the other hand, upon entry onto United States soil, Cubans were automatically given refugee status along with other privileges. Some of these special privileges were introduced in 1966 and included gaining permanent residency status if the Cuban immigrant had resided in the U.S. for at least one year. For Cuban immigrants that had stayed longer than the time period granted on their visitor visas, they were still granted permanent residency.

Cubans had been entering the United States on a continuous basis after Fidel Castro took over, but it was not until the summer of 1994 that the U.S. experienced a huge wave of immigrants from Cuba. Approximately 33,000 Cubans fled to the U.S. due to trade relations with the Soviet Union. Because Cuba was dependent upon the Soviet Union for trade, the country was put into a dismal economic situation when trade between the two countries was suspended. As a result, the government instilled a rationing system to deal with food, electricity, and gasoline shortages. The discontent continued to grow among many Cubans who desired economic and political freedom; thus, many Cubans desired to flee their homeland. Due to the large wave of Cubans entering the country, the United States made an agreement in September 1994 that would limit the number of incoming Cubans to 20,000 annually. Out of 33,000 Cubans, nearly 31,000 were detained at Guantanamo Bay. In May 1995, the U.S. Attorney General announced that the Cubans in Guantanamo would be permitted to enter the United States if they had no criminal history. In March 1996, these Cubans were officially admitted as parolees. The perception of these parolees was that most would contribute to the U.S. economy since they were generally educated, professional, and highly motivated. In addition, they seemed to be able to assimilate well into communities such as Miami with minor problems. In this instance, the U.S. government ended up surpassing their annual limit of 20,000 immigration visas.

Rehearsal: 4/18/11

Today's rehearsal was interesting for me. I know Matt kept talking to us about "frustration" but for some reason, I didn't feel frustrated once. I pretty much enjoyed the entire experience. I've been having a lot of worries about doing this play because I've been feeling confused about all of Jeanann's character archs and changes throughout the play. I'm used to doing scene work so there's usually only one major arch that I need to focus on. I've never done a full length straight play before so discovering all of Jeanann's changes has been a challenge for me. Today, when we just focused on the text, it made me realize a lot about how Jeanann develops. I also reacted to lines differently and discovered so many different ways of getting my lines to land on the other person. 

I have also been very worried about my small scene with Jason (and the little scenes I have with Jack) because I'm worried about being "one-note" or losing energy or not playing enough of a variety of dynamic tactics, so today's rehearsal was really helpful because it didn't allow me to worry about those kinds of things. It forced me to come out of my head and allowed me to just listen and respond to the other actors. Also, the amount of physical effort exerted in this exercise helped me with my objective. I could literally get in Jack's face when I wanted something from him and I could actually run away from Jason when he was scaring me. Whenever I messed up a line, it just re-informed me that I need to go back and look over that set of lines again. It wasn't a frustrating experience at all. 

Although it was exhausting running around for two hours, It made me feel more energized, focused, and present in the room. I think this is an exercise we can take a lot from and I hope to do it again for other plays/pieces I am in. 

Frustration or Self-Loathing?

What is the difference? After today's rehearsal I began to think about this. At the beginning of the year, Matt talked about how he hates it when actors beat themselves up during rehearsals. I completely understand that, and I used to be one of the biggest offenders of this. Which is why I was taken aback by Matt's encouragement to get frustrated during a rehearsal. Because, in my mind, they are the exact same thing. Today when I would curse like a sailor a kick chairs, I did it because I was furious with myself for being so stupid. How is this any different than beating myself up? It didn't feel any different, and yet we were somewhat encouraged to do so. This confused me greatly. Maybe I missed the connection, but I don't really know what to think about this. This subject is important for me to understand because the rage that I unleash when I get frustrated has threatened to get me kicked out of a show on more than one occasion, and I would very much like to know when it is justified so that I do not destroy myself from within. Feel free to comment and help a brother out.

Today's Rehearsal

I loved today's rehearsal. I thought it was great and wanted to share with everyone what I found helpful about it. Please read the entire post before judging it.

People were miserable today. Whether you were hung over, sick or exhausted from being on crew the general aura of the room was one where everyone was crumby feeling. What I appreciated so much though was that everyone came ready to work no matter how shitty they felt. Now if you were not one of these people then don't assume I'm accusing of being a miserable person this was simply a general observation being the awful cold that everyone seems to be getting and the long weekend where there were more parties than usual.

What I'm trying to say is these characters often feel shitty. Think about the environment they live in: a dumpy house where the rotting garbage comes up through the window, they eat crap food, and drink alcohol all the time. In other words we were feeling today like these characters feel ALL THE TIME. Watching it inform people's performances today I thought was great. Zanny for instance was clearly feeling under the weather today because she has caught this awful cold. It was perfect for Irene who wants to be a cheery and loving person but reverts to just being a bitch to get what she wants. I felt the same way with the cold that I have too. I slowed me down physically which I think was great for me being that I'm supposed to be in my late 50's and made be work more psychologically on Jason since I knew I couldn't beat him physically today.

Let me know your thoughts, I learned a lot today and want to thank everyone for the hard work they put in.

Chris

Thoughts

Hey Guys

Sorry I haven't posted much recently I've been unpacking stuff in my own journal but I just figured I'd post on here some of the stuff I've been working through and dealing with as of late.

Day after rehearsal on 4-13-2011

Text work

Last week or beginning of this week Matt suggested to us that we throw our lines at each other as we talk in an effort to keep the pacing up and keep everyone active. This included making your line the most important line of the show, the line that's going to end the argument (though it never does). I decided I would go through my script and label who my line was being thrown at. In some cases a line would be thrown at only one character where in others a line may be broken into 3 parts and each thrown to a different character. I did this and was surprised at point at my lack of specificity in regards to who I was talking to. There were many lines where I had the freedom to throw the line at Santo or Irene and I often found that if I chose one of those characters as opposed to both the action I would then play became more specific and need driven. Something to consider.

Animal Work

Something I've been working on with Jack is his age and weight. When I say weight I mean his physical weight but I also mean the baggage he has picked up as he has gone through life that is weighing him down. I went to the silver back gorilla to find this physicality. This is because they are massive creatures that are grounded and weighted and often take there time unless they are being aggressive. Something I didn't want to do was make Jack stupid and I think this was a trap I initially fell into when I was first developing how I would approach him. Jack I think is a smart guy who also has a great amount of pride which at times inhibits his ability to make the smartest choice in a situation. Regardless I went to the gorilla who I think are smart and grounded creatures. There hands and weight that they put in the ground were two components about them that I was drawn too. Attached is a link where you can see a group of tourists filming a silverback family in Rwanda. Its interesting to note the famly dynamic and how at the end of the day they protect each other. Just like Jack at the end of the day he is trying to protect his family when he makes up the plan about him shooting the dog. He truely does has everyone else in mind. Yes it is on a tourist safari but the animals are still wild and even if they are more familiar with human contact I still found the content useful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co8NneR8ilc