Dress Rehearsal

              During today's run through I came in feeling very warmed up and ready (which worried me) but I felt like I was able to listen and  fully give my self to some new moments tonight and still explore. I do have trouble still keeping everything going though. I notice that if I'm playing my action and listening then the next thing I know most of my body is gone, or vice versa. This is what is getting me the most frustrated because I know that I can do all of these things but putting them together is still too much for me to maintain.
             I was also concerned that my character seemed too "caricaturey." I think that it is difficult to find the balance between self-involved and unrealistic, because some runs I feel like I'm being too kind and loving (not dysfunctional enough) and others I feel as if I couldn't until people start getting shot. I think that feeling this way is a result of not understanding that self-involvement enough. Yes we are all selfish but I don't think that any of us are consistently that rude about it. The only time I understand it is when I consider it the way a child does, when I was little I recall genuinely not noticing or understanding that other people had different opinions, but there is also danger with connection because it could add to my character seeming so young.  This is something I am still struggling to suppress, the youth. I think my yappy dog as an animal though makes her more youthful. Age is not something I think that I fully understand how to address though. I lowered my center but I don't know how to really age her without losing much of my character work. I will continue to explore her though.
        I looked over some things about abuse victims and realized that I really wasn't finding moments to expose the broken Peggy, I will look for them tomorrow. This is another reason that she is so irritable and does not want to participate. She avoids issues. I have also been thinking about her middle child syndrome and how that plays into her peacekeeping.

           I felt okay about my work today but I would like to feel a bit more present and urgent tomorrow. I am excited to continue to explore this play. It's always a lot of fun to work on it. I am going in with the intention of really getting people to empathize with Tammy's pseudo-family.

Thanks for everything guys :]. We entered this thing as pollywogs and we are leaving as shellbacks :p